Saturday, November 7, 2009

in focus

october has certainly proven to be a memorable month. work was crazy, i turned 29 years old, had my wisdom teeth pulled, my uncle passed away, my mom left for a 3-week trip to korea leaving me home with my dad.

there are times in life when things come in to focus and suddenly you feel really stupid for wishing you could buy that new jacket when you already have 30,000 jackets and life seems to become so real and certain things just have no significance anymore. but the moment passes and life becomes out of focus and you mind wanders again to that dumb jacket.

lately i keep having those moments of clarity and blurriness.

the other day i discovered my first official adult wrinkle. i know, i know, such is life. and it's not a first wrinkle but in the moment it was significant for some reason. like the physical manifestation of my bodily decay had suddenly become a reality. i'm getting older. my body will one day betray me and rebel against my wishes and in fact it has already begun to do so.

every time i listen to the radio i am reminded that our nation and our state is held together by a thread. government is so completely fallible and it's a wonder that we make any kind of progress at all. and when someone says an off-handed remark that sends another in to a spiral of defensive comebacks and darting looks i think to myself, "man, people are held together by a thread." and when my aunt sits quietly until a single picture of her wedding flashes on the projection screen at her husband's funeral i know that she was held together by a thread.

and life continues and i still have careless desires for things that don't matter and through it all something continues to hold us together.

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